Author
Sarina Dorie
An Intergalactic Love Story of Cosmic Proportions
Andromeda was a big, beautiful galaxy who knew what she wanted. She longed to collide into another galaxy and become one. Not just any galaxy. She wanted the Milky Way. She'd always dreamed of smashing her solar systems into his, her suns colliding into his suns, her planets…
The Ice Cream I Eat Is Called Depression
When I went to the ice cream shop, I was faced with two flavors: happiness or depression. Most people probably chose happiness, but it was an expensive flavor, and anything full of so much sweetness is certain to make the teeth ache. When I saw people sitting in the ice cream…
Fairy Godmothers Deserve Love Too
The princess stared at me in horror. "You've been thirty for how long?" I tapped my magic wand against the layers of my fluffy gown, sending puffs of magic into the air. "I'm not sure. I lost count after a while. Probably about five hundred years." "I'm so sorry. What a curse!…
Tiny Terrors: Fifty Word Increments of Horror
No One Puts Baby in the Corner "I don't want a time out!" Josie screeched. Her mother walked away. Josie sent anger out in waves. Her mother tripped and fell. The carpet rippled like sand and her mother sank, desperately trying to claw her way out. Josie left the corner and…
Clickbait for Paranormals: Six Amazing Secrets from a Ghost's Guide to Getting Ghouls
Whether you consider yourself the Casanova of ghosts--or you are the ghost of Casanova, it is getting harder and harder to find a good ghoul to date. What's the good of having all eternity if you have to spend it alone? Before you give in to despair, consider these tips for…
Clickbait for Paranormals: Culinary Delights from the Were-Dog Blog--You Won't Believe What He Cooks Next
Welcome to Were-Dog Blog: a site dedicated to politics, lifestyle and food of the were-culture. Written by Were_Dog82. Blog Entry 52: Culinary Delights for Full Moon Midnight Snacks Worried about your neighbors finding out about your "little secret?" Ever notice how your…
Clickbait for Paranormals: Ten Signs You or Someone You Know May Be a Necrophiliac
Clickbait for Paranormals: Ten Signs You or Someone You Know May Be a Necrophiliac In this day and age, who doesn't have a healthy attraction to corpses? Whether this might be vampires, zombies, or other undead, we are constantly bombarded by sexy images of monsters in the…
Clickbait for Paranormals: Try These Simple Tricks to Make Your Man Give Your Seal Skin Back
So you fell for his tricks and now he has your sealskin hidden away somewhere. You're determined to get it back. Only he's hidden it so well you can't find it anywhere. You might even have a husband and children at home in the sea. What is a selkie girl to do? 1. Examine why he…
Clickbait for Paranormals: Did You Grow Up with a Bloodsucker?
Vamp-Anon is for families, relatives, and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking blood. If someone close to you, such as a family member, friend, co-worker, or neighbor, has or has had a problem drinking blood, the following questions may help you…
Clickbait for Paranormals: You'll Never Believe This Urban Wendigo's Guide to Hunting Tasty Treats
You'll Never Believe This Urban Wendigo's Guide to Hunting Tasty Treats So you tried human flesh once a hundred years ago and now you're addicted. Times are changing, but our taste for human flesh isn't. If your natural habitat of forest, mountain, or desert is looking a little…
Clickbait for Paranormals: Eleven Shocking Signs You May Be Troubled by Someone Eating Brains
Millions of people are affected by the excessive habits of someone close to them. The following questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need to seek a support group like Zomb-Anon due to someone else's habits of eating brains, entrails or flesh. 1. Has…
Careers for Magical Creatures: Goddess of Crimson Cosmetics Now Hiring
Tired of being a goody-two-shoes tooth fairy or toilet fairy and getting nowhere in your career for all of eternity? Maybe it's time for a career change. Goddess of Crimson Cosmetics is looking for assets to our sales team. Our line of poisonous cosmetics has primarily been sold…
Careers for Magical Creatures: Ten Ways to Keep Your Sucky Job as Tooth Fairy
So you've been demoted to tooth fairy? Whether you previously were working as a muse and you let your artist chop off his ear, or you were a fairy godmother caught between the sheets with King Charming, you've been demoted to collecting filthy, cavity-riddled teeth for the rest…
Careers for Magical Creatures: Fairy Godchild Intake Form
This form is to be filled out by clients before a fairy godmother can perform her duties determining the breadth and scope of a quest, suitable spells to aid a godchild, and when it is appropriate to play magical matchmaker at balls. Fairy Godchild Name: Theodorus Charming Sex:…
Careers for Magical Creatures: A Fairy Godmother's Guide to Conduct with Clients
You've passed your fairy godmother classes with top honors and landed yourself a job with the Division of Fairy Godmothers. What's the next step? As you apprentice for your new career, keep a copy of Fairy Godmother Conduct handy. Being a fairy godmother is a rewarding career…
Careers for Magical Creatures: Correspondence School Quiz, Taken by Client
Becoming a fairy godmother or godfather and helping human heroes is a satisfying dream for many immortals that can become a reality for top students. Whether you are new to the occupation or wanting to return after being demoted to a lower occupation like tooth fairy, you will…
Careers for Magical Creatures: Want Ads
Mother Mountain Needs You to Save the Amazon Have experience working as an Irish banshee, but looking for something a little more exotic? Madremonte Inc. is on the lookout for new members for our team to haunt Columbian jungles and keep away trespassers with chilling wails.…
Fairy Godmother Protocols
***Adult Fairytale below*** 1.) I will fulfill my end of the fairy godmother contract. I will play matchmaker for the handsomest prince in all the land and find him the most beautiful princess in all the land so they can populate the world with rich, pretty children from the…
Six Tips to Slay a Unicorn
This is a public service announcement brought to you by VFV. Warning: There is a plague of unicorns upon our kingdom. This species has been known to carry off fair maidens and impale those who attempt to slay them. Whether you are on a royal hunt, or are a sorcerer in need of a…
Pumping Iron with Santa
I was on my third rep of overhead presses when Mitch shouted over the nineties punk rock blaring from the gym's speakers, "Bro, check out the guns on the big guy in the red suit." Mitch dropped his dumbbell with a thunk and commenced to gawk. I glanced over my shoulder and did a…
Dear Jezzy: Advice for an Advice Columnist
The Immortal Herald, April 4, 2014 Dear Jezzy, I am one of the few male tooth fairies in my profession. One of the reasons I took the job was because of all the cute blondes in tutus fluttering around Tooth Fairy Headquarters. There's never any lack of women in my career, so I…
Dear Jezzy: What a Wanyudo Wants, a Wanyudo Gets
The Immortal Herald, April 1, 2014 Dear Jezzy, My boyfriend is going to be 2,000 years old this month. He's a wanyudo, a Japanese demon who sucks souls out of bodies. He's one hot flaming wheel who has just about everything. I'd like to give him something special for his…
Dear Jezzy: The Orgasm Fairy Across the Street
Lower Worlder Press, March 27, 2014 Dear Jezzy, Three months ago, the cottage across from us was sold to two gorgeous male "muses"--or so we thought. We later learned one was an incubus and the other was an orgasm fairy. This was a respectable neighborhood before these Lower…
Dear Jezzy: The Problem with the Santas
The Lower Worlder Press, March 25, 2014 Dear Jezzy, I am fed up with my job at the North Pole Industries. Those Santas are lazy, slave-driving tyrants. The problem is, I don't have a lot of experience other than as an elf. My friends tell me my only other option is to become a…
Dear Jezzy: How Can a Devil Make an Angel Say Yes?
The Undead Times, March 20, 2014 Dear Jezzy, I've been courted by a vampire for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me. I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? - Merryweather Dear…
Robo-rotica
So you're the new model, an HV320. May I call you HV? The humans call me Robo-butler 5000, but my friends call me Rob. I was watching you with your suction control and motorized brush working the floor earlier. I saw you coax that cat hair out of the shag carpet like a natural.…
Dear Jezzy: I Dream of Djinn
The Modern Fairy Weekly, August 5, 2014 Dear Jezzy, I have been dating a muse for a hundred years. About fifty years ago, he moved in with me. About ten years after that, I started hinting I'd like to get married. He didn't acknowledge the hints. After another ten years, I flat…
Dear Jezzy: Love Advice for a Shape Shifter
The Undead Times, March 8, 1999 Dear Jezzy, I've been around this dating game for a millennium, and I'm getting sick of it. Women flock to me for the same things: gold and treasure. As a chullachaqui, my career path entails hiding riches in the Amazon rainforest and luring…
Dear Jezzy: Trouble with Trolls
The Paranormal Tribune, May 2, 1974 Dear Jezzy, I act like a normal enough troll. I excel at crushing humans under boulders, partake of the Saturday goat soup special, and make a pretty penny collecting tolls at bridges; but if any of the other trolls knew what I was deep down,…
Dear Jezzy: Sleepless in the Underworld
The Lower Worlder Press, June 13, 1935 Dear Jezzy, I really like bad boys. You know--the badass monster who wears a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle, but who is actually sensitive and misunderstood. Because I wanted to date a monster, I tried a vampire. I thought he would…
Dear Jezzy: Oni You
The Undead Times, June 13, 1831 Dear Jezzy, After a thousand years of working as a guardian angel, I'd grown tired of dating other goody-two-shoes immortals in my dimension. I'd secretly dreamed of dating someone exotic and demonic. When a friend introduced me to "Yuki," an oni…
Dear Jezzy: Consentacles
The Lower Worlder Press, April 1, 1792 Dear Jezzy, I'm a hopeless romantic. I enjoy crying after reading a good Jane Austen novel, cuddling up to a ship before I sink it into my depths, and devouring oceanside homes at sunset. I keep my eight appendages and giant, watery…
Dear Jezzy: Lovelorn in the Lower World
Immortal Herald, July 5, 1697 Dear Jezzy, I am a succubus. I like my job and I'm one of the best at draining mortals of their life force in exchange for illusions of sexual fantasies. This often leaves me tired of seeing writhing naked men. The last thing I want when I get home…
Losing One�s Appetite
I ran my tongue over my fangs, scanning the crowd, inhaling the scent of warm meat. The thumping of hearts around me drowned out the cheesy Dixie Chicks song. Then I saw her in vintage Gothic attire, her hair in a 20's bob. Crimson, horned-rimmed glasses sat on her nose as she…