Dear Jezzy: How Can a Devil Make an Angel Say Yes?

The Undead Times, March 20, 2014

Dear Jezzy,

I've been courted by a vampire for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me. I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get?

- Merryweather

Dear Merryweather,

I don't know. What's he getting?

- Jezzy

The Immortal Herald, March 20, 2014

Dear Jezzy,

I've been going with this angel for a year. How can I get her to say yes?

- Devil

Dear M. Devil,

What's the question? Will she sign your black book?

- Jezzy

Confidential to Holly, Jolly Man in a Red Suit: If you're experiencing a slump in your relationship during the summertime months, keep the spirit of the season alive the rest of the year with things that remind you of Christmas. Consider some whips, collars, and bondage gear. Maybe it's time to use that workshop to make some toys for yourself.

Confidential to Bogeywoman: You love your job but you're feeling a little unhappily ever after? Having a career where the majority of your work hours are at night is probably pretty difficult for finding a date. If you've already found that vampires, grim reapers, and incubi aren't for you, consider tooth fairies, Easter Bunnies, Santas, or shoe elves. Some of them might even have breaks at the same time as you and could meet you up for a fifteen-minute make out session in a client's closet. Who says bogeywomen can't have a happy ending?

Jezebel Lincoln has worked as a mystic, fairy godmother, and muse. She's been writing advice columns since 1612. Her columns are syndicated by Charming Industries to The Immortal Herald, The Undead Times, Lower Worlder Press, and other smaller publications in the fairy realm.