Careers for Magical Creatures: Ten Ways to Keep Your Sucky Job as Tooth Fairy

So you've been demoted to tooth fairy? Whether you previously were working as a muse and you let your artist chop off his ear, or you were a fairy godmother caught between the sheets with King Charming, you've been demoted to collecting filthy, cavity-riddled teeth for the rest of your days as an immortal. Welcome!

Follow the guidelines below for a successful career at T.F.S. (Tooth Fairy Services).

1. Wear the standard issue uniform with the pink tutu. Other colors are not permitted.

2. Give the client one quarter per tooth. Don't give in to inflation caused by parents who gift their children five dollars.

3. Do not pry teeth from dentures, cadavers, or animals in the hopes of turning them in for extra quarters.

4. Only collect the teeth of those on your list. Do not stop by Prince Charming's castle, offering to check for cavities. He doesn't want to see you; you aren't his fairy godmother anymore.

5. Do not allow clients to rob you of your bags of quarters with a shotgun.

6. Avoid other immortals whose jobs are far more important than yours who might also be working at night: Easter Bunnies, Santas, and guardian angels.

7. Remember, a tooth fairy is polite, well-mannered, and never causes harm to others. Not even the prince who broke up with you when you got demoted.

8. Refrain from spending quarters in vending machines.

9. While on the job, avoid demons and lower immortals like monsters, vampires and bogeymen (and bogeywomen) who might want to make out with you in the closet.

10. When all else fails, keep in mind there are worse things than being a tooth fairy: toilet fairy, scrape-the-gum-off-shoes-fairy, and mortality. That's right, you think you have it bad with your sucky existence exchanging quarters for teeth? Imagine life as a human with wrinkles, taxes and death. That's what a tooth fairy's nightmares are made of.

This list of guidelines was brought to you by your manager at the Tooth Fairy Services, a division of Charming Industries. Now get back to work.