Dear Jezzy: Advice for an Advice Columnist

The Immortal Herald, April 4, 2014

Dear Jezzy,

I am one of the few male tooth fairies in my profession. One of the reasons I took the job was because of all the cute blondes in tutus fluttering around Tooth Fairy Headquarters. There's never any lack of women in my career, so I feel pretty satisfied sexually.

Recently, I ran into this insomnia fairy while I was working on the job collecting teeth. He's tall and lanky, built like a grim reaper and definitely not my type. I mean, for one thing he's a guy. For another, if I was into guys, I can't imagine that's what I'd be into.

We hit it off pretty well and went out for coffee during our break and I felt something I've never felt before. I'd always thought I was into women, but then I met this man and I feel so confused. He and I have hung out a few more times, but I'm starting to get uncomfortable with the way I want to go dancing, jogging, and jump on trampolines with him. I'm so energetic when I'm around him. My friends suggested I'm just tired and overworked from my job that I've become addicted to his insomnia energy, but it doesn't feel like a glamour or magic addiction. I feel awake and alive.

Could it be love?

--Hunky Tooth Fairy

Dear Hunky,

Sure, it could be love. It could also be insomnia magic. More importantly, have you asked your friend how he feels? Is he into male tooth fairies? If he is, does it matter if it's love or you're just high on his magic when you both have a good time together--whatever that entails.

There are a lot of things worse than a little experimenting. Take for instance the eternal damnation that results in signing a devil's black book and giving away your immortal soul.

Like I once did.

--Jezzy

Dear Jezzy,

I see what your hostility is really about. You once were in love with a devil. He was a wicked, unfaithful beast who didn't appreciate you or love you. As a result, you think all devils are the same. I can see how you might have developed a bias.

Take my advice: get over him. Get past him. He wasn't worthy of you. Sure, there are plenty of other sharks in the sea, but there are also really nice dolphins and whales and other aquatic metaphors that don't bite. Just because he was a shark, doesn't mean you need to sink to becoming one. You're going to find someone who treats you with the love you deserve someday.

By the way, my angel said yes. We will be sure to invite you to the wedding. You might be interested to know one of her best friends just started a new position at Aphrodite's Helpers as head archer of cupid orgasm arrows. My fianc�e wants to introduce you.

--M. Devil

Dear M. Devil,

Thanks for the slice of humble pie. I'm so in the habit of giving advice it's hard to recognize when I need it for myself.

--Jezzy

Jezebel Lincoln has used her crystal ball and magic mirror for hundreds of years looking for her own Mr. Right. She's been reading whiny letters from desperate immortals since 1612, occasionally finding some hunky immortal she is interested in dating. Her dream come true would be to date an orgasm fairy. She can only hope one of those cupid arrows will work on immortals. Her columns are syndicated by Charming Industries to The Immortal Herald, The Undead Times, Lower Worlder Press and other smaller publications in the fairy realm.