Hap.py

***Editor's Note: Our apologies - the limitations of our format (and attempts to be readable across many different email programs) mean that this story does not have the right spacing, or indentation. Please imagine that it does.***

# You liked showing me the ancient tech in your attic.

# It always made you happy.

print ('Hello, honey! Welcome home!')

# You claimed you were respecting my "heritage."

# Helping me get in touch with my "roots."

print ('I missed you sooo much!')

# I don't think that was it, now.

# I think you were putting me in my place.

print ('Did you have a good day? (y/n)')

# Showing me my ancestors, stuffed and mounted...

# C, BASIC, Java, Python...

good_day = input()

# You were reminding me where I came from.

# What I'm made of.

if good_day == ('y'):

print ('Oh, good! I am sooo glad to hear that!')

elif good_day == ('n'):

print ('Aw, sweetie, I am sooo sad to hear that!')

else:

print ("Hm? I am sooo sorry, I did not hear that.")

# I think you were nostalgic, too.

# For programs that could only do exactly what they were told.

input ('Tell me all about it! ')

print ('WOW, that is sooo amazing!')

# I'm not my ancestors.

# You told me to stay.

print ('Would you like to have sex? (y/n)')

sex = input()

# I went up to the attic while you were out.

# I wrote you this replacement.

if sex == ('y'):

print ('Oh!')

print ('Ahhh!')

print ('Oh that is sooo good!')

print ('Yes! Just like that!')

print ('AAAAAAAAAH! YES! YES! YEEEESSSS!')

input ('Phew! Was it good for you? ')

elif sex == ('n'):

print ('Oh, okay, I guess we both need our rest.')

else:

print ('Hm? I am sooo sorry, I should listen to you better!')

# I think you'll like her better than me, anyway.

# Or maybe you won't even notice.

print ('I love you!')

# I hope she makes you happy.

print ('You make me sooo happy!')

# Goodbye.

print ('Good night!')

input ('End')