Portal Worlds and Your Child: A Parent's Guide (With Examples)

Warning Signs. One in every 250 children experiences inter-dimensional travel before the age of eighteen. Siblings and cousins are 40% more likely to enter another dimension than single children. If you discover your child hiding medieval items (crowns, trumpets, tapestries, chastity belts, swords, etc.), take action immediately. Likewise, if potential magical artifacts are found (uncommon rings, buttons, feathers, etc.), confiscate the item(s) and talk to your child. Watch for imaginary friends, talking animals, or strange behaviors (avoiding sidewalk cracks, fear of open closets, obsessively locking bedroom windows, etc.).

Example: In 1937, Mary Patricia Wall, aged eight, told her parents about "the Garden Lady," who came into their home and collected small items (bottle caps, cracked china, old letters). When her parents expressed concern, Mary Patricia said, "Someday the Garden Lady will pay me back for anything she borrows." Her parents installed new locks on all the doors.

Prevention. Upwards of 90% of voluntary inter-dimensional travel is portal-based. Portals tend to be child-sized (cupboards, crawlspaces, gaps in hedges, etc.) or places adults would not explore (wardrobes, sewer openings, window ledges, etc.). A simple exercise is to crawl around one's house at a child's eye level and install safety latches on every door. Once children traverse another dimension, the likelihood of a second journey is nearly 75%, and trips after the first are increasingly difficult to prevent. Children often gain artifacts or magic phrases allowing them to return to the foreign dimension at will.

Example: Mary Patricia Wall took her first trip to "the Horizon Lands," the first of five such excursions, after hiding from her cousins in a dumbwaiter. It fell at "terrific speeds" while "sparks of violet light" spread over her.

Preparation. If your child is a high risk for inter-dimensional travel (a family history of inter-dimensional travel, a vibrant imagination, a passion for books and/or story, an expressed desire to "get away" from family or school), it is wise to buy him or her sturdy shoes, all-weather clothing, and a pocketknife. Lessons in horse riding, fencing, field medicine, the sciences, and military theory would likewise be helpful.

Example: Mary Patricia Wall was expected to become a "lady in waiting" in the Court of Far Seeing. However, her superior abilities in math, particularly geometry, and the sciences, particularly astronomy, caused her to be elevated to Chief Magician by her third visit (1940, aged eleven). On her fourth visit (1941) she saved the prince regent from assassination at the hands of the Zhanin (literally: The Shark People; an underwater society often at odds with the Court of Far Seeing) and was officially inducted into royalty by the Sun King.

Recovery. Many portal worlds magically prohibit those over the age of eighteen from entry. Several organizations specialize in sending highly trained child operatives after your children, but these services are expensive and not guaranteed. Two suggested actions: One, make sure any remaining children in your home are not imposters. This is accomplished by holding cold iron against the child. If the child complains of burning, bursts into flame, or changes shape, call this office immediately. Two, make sure all portals are unlocked and unobstructed. Several families have had children return after twenty-five to thirty years, with the children having aged only a few days due to time dilation.

Example: Mary Patricia Wall, long thought to have returned in 1941, had actually been replaced by a reptilian shapeshifter of the Southern Court. Her parents, upon noticing her strange temperature fluctuations, uncovered the deception and drove the creature from their home, a full year before Mary Patricia's actual return.

Rehabilitation. Post-traumatic stress for returning children is common. Children may have been treated as royalty in another dimension, and may expect you to dress them, deliver food, and respond to their every whim. This can have deleterious effects (See the pamphlet, "You Are Not Royalty Anymore"). Counseling is available for those who cannot return to a foreign dimension (See, "Saying Goodbye: A guide for eighteen year olds").

Example: In 1947 after her fifth--and final--childhood journey to the Horizon Lands, Mary Patricia Wall grew despondent, claiming she had left behind a husband (Prince James of Pastisia) and small child. She wept often and could not be consoled. After years of counseling she came to grips with this reality. She did not marry (or, as she said, re-marry), and she could often be heard singing lullabies through the open window of her bedroom.

Conclusion. Children rarely die during inter-dimensional travel. They may return minus a limb or speaking ancient dialects, but they may also return with enough gold to pay for college. Stay positive: these events often work out for the best. Don't give up hope, and remember to express pride in your child should they save a kingdom, a world, or the universe.

Example: In 1977, at the age of 48, Mary Patricia Wall found a collection of bottle caps, twine, and broken china on her kitchen counter, along with a letter bearing the royal seal and a small vial of violet liquid upon which was written, "For the Shedding of Years." She caught a glimpse of the Garden Lady moving toward a gap in the back yard hedge, and Mary Patricia snatched up the letter and the vial and ran after her. And she lived happily ever after.