How to Find Your Happily Ever After

Before you try on the slipper, think about what's really going on here. Do you honestly want to marry a man who can't even recognize your face? A man so desperate for a bride that he'd haul a shoe around the entire kingdom? That isn't romantic, and it really takes you out of the equation, doesn't it? It isn't you he loves, it's the size of your feet.

You stare at your reflection in the perfect glass of the slipper, and you wonder what he was actually looking at for all those hours as the pair of you danced the night away. The prince's herald gestures towards you with the slipper, and you realize that you didn't flee the ball because of the midnight curfew, you fled because glass slippers are uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as marrying a prince who wouldn't recognize you from the wicked witch of the west. You push past the herald and run out into the yard. There, a pumpkin and a handful of mice wait to take you somewhere where you can choose your own footwear. Somewhere you'll be happy.