Author
Nicky Drayden
Re: Upcoming Restroom Changes
MEMORANDUM DATE: 3.18923 of the Galactic Equinox 7B TO: All GalactiCorp Employees and Contractors stationed within Grid Sectors 12-Alpha through 543-Omega FROM: Garthrook Fivebody, GalactiCorp Employee Relations RE: Upcoming Restroom Changes Dear GalactiCorp Family: It has come…
Housewarming
"You snagged this place for 250k? In the city?" Selma runs her index finger along my sleek granite countertops, then practically fondles the pullout sprayer in my farmhouse sink. "It's got everything!" "You're gonna die when you see my walk-in closet." I swallow the smug smile…
Earth's Destruction: A Crowdfunding Campaign
Project: Earth's Destruction Share via: Facebook | Twitter | Embed Backers: 34,453 Pledged: $652,323,765 Days to Go: 27 $1,000 minimum pledge Goal: 85 Billion U.S. Dollars (Approx. 54.4 million Gragzoikian Dollars) This project will only be funded if at least $85,000,000,000 is…
Planning for Your Re-Retirement
I bet you thought you'd be enjoying your golden years--traipsing through the lush forests of Belize, admiring the Venus de Milo with your own two eyes, enjoying a game of low-grav shuffleboard on Proxima Colony--all those things you were too busy working your tail off to enjoy.…
Investment Strategies in a Post-Apocalyptic World
If you're like most us, you saw your investment portfolio tank with the Greying Crisis of 2039. If you were lucky enough to notice the signs of an impending stock market collapse, maybe you got out early, but the failing of the banks in the subsequent years probably wiped out…
Unnatural Family Planning
First of all, I want to thank you for allowing me into such an intimate moment of your lives. The sensual act of creating life is a delicate dance, and it is important that you stay in sync as a couple, every moment, every breath until the final moment of ecstasy that will…
An Unparalleled Real Estate Investment Opportunity
Three-hundred seventy square feet. That's the average size for a micro apartment in Chicago these days. Of course, I don't have to tell you that, seeing as you've opted for the high-end mattress that serves as your bed, sofa, and dining table depending on how you flip it. Oh,…
Practical College Majors in a Robot-Dominated Society
Practical College Majors in a Robot-Dominated Society Congratulations! You've graduated at the top of your high school class. You are an inspiration to the human race (if indeed the human race is capable of being inspired, but I'll leave that debate for another time). As your…
Breva
Dr. Gianna Nero played the recording back for the fifth time, noting the odd inflections and guttural clicks in Breva's message. A smile curled up at the edges of her mouth as she caught the double entendre that no one on Earth would notice except her. In less than twenty-four…
Rubies and Tangled Webs
Anthony Nance glares at me like my hair is on fire and I've got worms coming out of my ears. I toss him a smug grin, then stir my finger around the stale ice cube melting in my glass of Bombay Sapphire and Diet Orange Shasta. "That's an abomination," he says. I suck my finger…
A Stitch in Space-time
Fina kept her aim steady. This would be the eighth time she'd watched Neil die--his face contorting in agony under the blue-white haze of the Abbey's limelight. The tight zoom of her camera caught every detail, including the wrinkles in the fabric backdrop bearing meticulously…
Our Drunken Tjeng
***Editor's Note: Be forewarned: the imagery may be unsettling, some language would not fit at an elegant tea.*** With a fine bone knife I make my incision, cutting back the sticky membrane of Our Tjeng's hull. I slip my hand inside and carefully widen the tear until it's big…
Wrath of the Porcelain Gods
Being a little curious doesn't make you a deviant. On Vero-Avalon Station, with its hundred and fifteen sapient species, it'd be weirder not to wonder about the alien biology of your cohabitants. You see them in the mess hall, slurping up trans-dimensional slugs, gnawing on…
Winning Streak
Seven security gargoyles stare at me from atop the elaborate sandstone columns lining the casino�s walls. Their sharp eyes and oversized talons flex ever so slightly in anticipation of snatching up cheaters like unsuspecting prey. They�ve moved closer since I first sat down at…