Come closer, dear lads and lasses, as Kai Lung II unfurls his mat and regales you with tales filled with monumental happenstances, awe-inspiring wonders... and dubious morals.

Once upon a time, the dolphins had had enough of the humans polluting their seas. They decided to conquer and subjugate humankind. With this purpose in mind, they manufactured an array of dangerous and deadly weapons, and they manufactured an army of androids designed to look, talk, and act like humans.

They sent one such android as a scout, with express instructions to find out the power center of the humans and to obtain a map that would lead their army to the power center.

The scout came out of the sea and started walking down the beach. It was the middle of a cloudy and gloomy day and not many people were around. He saw a young human--probably fifteen years old, guessed the android based on the data in his data bank about humans. The young human was reading a book and what arrested the feet of the android was the fact that in that book was a map that the young human was studying intently.

The android sat down beside the young human.

"Hello," said the android.

"Hello," the young human looked up and replied.

"That map looks very interesting. Is that an accurate map of the world?"

"Oh yes, it is," said the young one.

The android looked with great interest at the map. "Which of these places in the map is the power center?" he asked.

"Power center? Hmm.... It would be this place, I believe." He put his finger on a spot on the map.

The android memorized the map, complete with all its features and nuances and scale. Then he got up and casually walked into the sea and was soon back with his dolphin creators.

From his memory, he projected the map on a huge screen, pinpointed the region where they should attack. That night androids--hundreds of them--were fitted with weapons and packed into several flying machines that took off silently from the bottom of the sea, broke through the surface, and flew through the air towards their destination. The next day's newspapers and tabloids reported several UFO sightings.

Yes, young man, what was your question? Oh! You want to know what happened to the android army?

Well, for all I know, they are lost somewhere in Siberia--still looking for Mordor.

Ahmed A. Khan

How Tolkein Saved the World